It's fine!

It's been days full of prayers and hope.
Crazy days have been fading away. I have been calmer when got response from my Dean and start of something where I have left (in terms of my artwork).
I take back all negative comments and learn to be more patient.
I have more work to go. Though it won't bring me monetary happiness, I'm learning to be more spontaneous with my skills. My shyness is getting on my nerves and so is my uncomfortableness around people. Planning to join a music group lessons and try to get out of the house more often and draw live. GOd! Please don't make be jitter when I do! 

I have been insomniac these days. Trying to make myself tired by doing chores around the house so that I can feel sleepy. Thanks to my big sister, she had given me great massage that made me snore today! :P

Music= "My chemical brothers"
Activities= sketching /origami/washing clothes/cooking/just finished editing my friends photo shoot.

scared about....

What Am I so scared about talking to certain people (actually many)? My brain switches off or gets jumbled.
Why can't I convey the message that is building inside my head?
What do I do?
 I tried but i guess it was not the best. I can't get ahead in life  if I ever be the same.
I wish I was some smart ass chick....

This problem has got me facing so many other problems that includes my future goals.

another BIG problem!
I'm planning to apply for university and I have already missed one since my institute wouldn't get my transcripts on time. To request them a thousand times I have lost all my confidence. And then I get back from them that I was a total stranger (was asked to keep in touch which I should have...). THAT HURTS!  There is always something that they need (excuses?) and they are never wrong!! DARN!

And I'm still waiting since last year, getting old day by day in my misery. I realize they don't take me seriously. What do I do? I'm still trying to figure out how to frame sentences in such a way that they get it done right away. Maybe my face appearance have some issue.I have no time to sit and whine about my personality complex gone wrong. But how do I change this complex. My mother is already worried that I'm shoved all my misery thoughts inside me till there is no space that I die. I want to change but it gets worst. I know that no one can read another mind (unless a psychic) so we should say it (a verbal speech or whatever means to get it done) .
I hate myself get constipated in my head.
Oh GAAAWd!

My brain hurts really bad and I'm seriously serious. My only chance to get to a university is grim and is my last chance. If I don't make it this year with all the misfortunes and situations that I faced for my portfolio and all the things revolving around me and still kept going, I don't think there is anything left in me.

I might not be up in one of the best but I'm still here climbing.
I wasn't born with it but I'm learning to be....
GOD! Please save me!