Yui one more time

Her inspiring simple lyrics and melody always makes me play her songs everyday. I never get sick and tried of listening. It makes me daydream and helps me write too. I like singing and playing guitar but when no one is around. And it is her songs that I always strum to apart from Paramore, Lady GaGa and other random singers. It's not like I have a nice voice but Yeah! I enjoy singing to Yui's songs. It feels me with goodness inside. Wondering how I can sing it? Well I'm not Japanese but since I was a kid I had always been hooked with cartoons and animes. As a third child having my both parents working their lives out I decided to not go anywhere but just sit at home with my lovely caretaker. Moreover I had no friends though I tried. I'm not an Otaku nor a nerd. Anyways coming to understanding Japanese language is that I have been influenced with culture before I found songs inspiring. I wanted to draw what I watch and write those weird scripts that i never understood. I even like harajuku more outrageous as it is. So with the help of google and my time killing period I found Yui. I literally try to find translations, the translations are bad but I got the gist. These days the translations are way better than before. With a little knowledge of understanding the language and speaking it it is easier. Writing is a big leap that I still haven't tried (Lazy Arse That I am). So her first song that I heard was Goodbye days or Happyline, I don't remember which one was it. Then it was bleach theme song that Yui contribute Life and Rollingstar (love this song). Then As years pass by I followed her songs as she grew more matured and voice much better. Now *hello* is such a lovely song, silly lyrics but true about how you feel about this whole stupid cupid thingy would make you ;( I never felt anything lovey *cries*). Love the video too and she really has grown beautifully *_____* (I wish i was beautiful too). Anyways I await for her upcoming album *green alive* for her birth place that has gone through much tragedy. Till then I shall enjoy her present songs.

IT

It’s feels empty. Me!

I’m uncertain of what I really want to do.

I don’t want my love ones be trouble by what I’m going through.

It’s total idleness. By making my days pass by something I can’t get. I feel like I spending aimlessly thinking and dreaming what I want. And what I want doesn’t make sense. I myself don’t understand it.

I wonder why I am so complicated and all I ever think about has everything me in it. Am I scared what I’ll become of me tomorrow or just self obsessed.

Every day I get a chance to fight for tomorrow but I waste it like any other day. I hate to describe how I feel.

I want to come out of it and think about others. I wish I could fix my brain up but In vain.

I’m making friends here and helping them out how much I could with my heart on it and with whatever I could give. They are kind, fun, happy and we get along very well. But the end of the day I keep thinking about what I really want. And I realize I just don’t know. I thought this was because how I was left out during my childhood in school made me feel not worth trusting in people and made myself a really bad kid, that has strongly left me retarded and slow. But making friends has helped me a lot. I’m getting happy. Now I talk a lot and it surprises me at the end of the day. Now handshakes and holding hands have become so normal.

I guess I’m impatient to fill up my empty spaces with whatever I could.

I messed up

Today was absolutely numb, brain dead and drug day. I don't know how I could even manage to walk and give the test.

With fever and cold symptoms, I decided to give an interview and test for story board artist which turns out so bad that I want to bury my face. They gave me a a script to get to visuals in the form of a story board. I was like saying in my mind "I can do it!It's nothing new!" and when I started to read it I was like "Zingshowon I can't read anything! :O why can't i read this script and get going? Turns out my paracetamol tablets has punch my brain to rest and even made my eyes out of focus. I couldn't even read properly what was written. The only advantage that the pill gave me is,it stops my runny nose.

I never want to see the drawings again. The transitions was wrong (only released after being told). The sketches were shaky and hopelessly untidy. I had to give up before I could fall asleep in that office. I needed to duck out. I couldn't talk about if am hired or even talk about my salary. I was in the verge of puking. But fortunately gave me time to think about it and tell them.

Nevertheless I was alright and considered even after getting lost on the way, getting late for the interview,beating the rainy weather and dozing off on the way back home. And now I am happily blowing my nose!

I came to know Father is in hospital but it's his stomach not his lungs that got him admitted. No one told me from home. This was all after I came back from my interview. I called him and I know will get better. I know for sure!

i Forgot

I forgot this blog exist!!

Well I read my old post and I think it is so boring (Talking to myself....) though I'm happy that it's not empty.

Aaah! My Life is just boring!

I have been jobless for at least a month now after I couldn't take that assistant manager (i was more like a receptionist) life. I hate being in that position. But it was some kind of experience. I didn't fit in there.

Since then I've been looking for work but to no avail. I guess I'm in a wrong track. I have been suffering from insomnia and I'm dealing this by playing my guitar, reading books about furniture design and packaging design. I decided to gain more knowledge about the field that will hopefully open to me and get to know were I stand.

I'm so scared about my MA application for next year as it is I missed this year, I'm awfully depressed about it. But in a way when i look at my graduate works, it looks so shabby. So I'm modifying my portfolio all over again.

The reason I'm slacking is my laziness and no one to talk to. I give up easily these days. But then looking at mom and dad, I pinch myself out of my gloomy world.

I'm trying to bring good life through my work. But it has just started and I'm already irritated thinking what if I suck! :O My work as in my portfolio. I seriously need to start from the scratch. There is so much to do and got to learn so much more.

Now the problem arises with my gloominess is money. No matter how much you have it never stays. I'm embarrassed to tell mom that I ain't have a penny. She knows before I could even tell her. So again she has been providing me. I always told her I'll take care of her but it was always the other way round.

I'm even scared if i could make it next year. My opportunities so far looks grim. BTW! My comp is still conk! Sigh! Why can't anything be genuine when I shelled out so much amount for it?

I hate reading this. I realize I never really had a moment of rejoice in my life. I feel like such a stupid drama queen or female who ca't get her life without disappointments. I feel like I'm self centered whenever I talk about these things because all I can talk about is me, my and I.

Baah! I thought I'll start with something nice and end with something nice, turns out to be like the usual again.

Maybe I should make another Blog something not related to me at all but something to do with the world. I guess this blog is only meant for me to just punch out my thoughts out to have peace of mind. Sigh! Wish I was some kind of Genius to invent something. Randomness!!