yui and she inspires me

one of my favorite songs so far...and will always listen is her new song *your heaven*. The lyrics and her voice takes you towards such goodness state that you smile and cry at the same time. I love her dedication to pour out her heart in most of her lyrics, that's why i never fail to update myself of her new album. There is something I wish I did too to feel that way.....Well Yui succeeds... her dreams are flying high....God bless her immensely....
this video is live in the dark..so obviously you can't see her....

My_World

Oh! My little world where I stay;
Is beautiful in its own way.
My eye sparkles when I look at her beautiful face.
She held me by the hand as I started with steady pace.
Love is what I see in her.
Love so warm that my nightmares
And boogie man disappears.
My eyes curious and wonders at the face scarred with struggle and knowledge and sin.
His hands coarsen by discipline.
His smile showed me wisdom
And the words made me imagine Gods’ beautiful kingdom.
And as I hasten my pace along the time,
They always kept me in the line.
A taste of reality filled my senses,
But my heart never changes.
Its color always remained, brightens the darkest path of the lane.
Life is so hard; as I walked on ahead it left me apart.
It put me upside-down and inside-out.
What I saw have left me with doubt.
I sank so low to save my fragile heart.
A Girl’s dream to be free-spirit; far from reality is where her heart lays.
It’s so out of this wretched life that it brings me to my knees.
Afraid that I can’t let go of it; I hid my tears.
It hurts;
But nothing will stop me to do what’s in my heart.
Never once I’ve been the same,
It’s a secret but it’s not a game.
If I can let go the reality;
Then I’ll be up on the runaway train
And never to turn back from there again.

Everything seems to gang up on me

I take my education seriously. I wish I was more intelligent and more informed of how the world works. My fault is being an anti-social and living within walls that I made for myself. I don’t want to whine about my petty life but sometimes too much to tragedies or misfortunes really makes it unbearable. First of all I thank my parents for understanding what I was capable of though they may not have the full understanding of what I wanted. Secondly my friend who had really made me open up and helped me get to a point where I talked, I was able to voice out my opinions and values. Thirdly I may not be equipped with world class expertise problem solver or being independent enough to pull the right strings. But I do my best when I have the knowledge embarked by the teachers who have given a 100%. Unfortunately I can count them using only my two fingers. All my life from my school to my graduation, everything I learned (most of it) is a progression of the motto which got stuck to me “You came alone in this world; you leave alone from this world”. I’m not talking about love in my life. I’m talking about education. I was taught the basics when I was younger and then I was on my own. Forgive me whoever I’d caused problem for being a slow learner. Nobody seems to understand neither had I understood until recently, how it was supposed to be handled. I never gave up but I kept that to myself. I started from scratch of whatever I can grasp within my capabilities. My first choice was writing. But before I could write I knew how to draw well. I never went for drawing classes until for my BA, we had classes for fine arts. My parents never considered art as a part of study, more of recreation. So drawing was just a hobby for a while. Writing helped me build up my vocabulary and a way to express my feelings and my view of the world around me. Internet was introduced at the age of 17 (learning based use of internet), addicted to facebook, started to blog, deviant art. After my high secondary, I was clueless about what I really wanted to do, I knew I was able to study computer science(one of my school teacher nab me by the ear and taught me well as a result got 88%, the rest of the subjects was average) and more of art related studies. It was a decision time to what I wanted to study and it was the first time I had to decide on my own not knowing what was what. A little fortune, me, my elder brother and sister discussed about my studies and decided to give two exams and an interview. One of them was for computer science, I wasn’t prepared when the faculty of the IMS institute told me that the exams was the next day but what the heck I appeared. As an unfortunate event seems to follow me, I had to give two papers at the same time one for the design and one for the computer science (no consideration). The only thing I could do regardless of no time to prepare or two exams at one go; is PRAY TO GOD. Fortunately the faculty gave me the almost similar papers (God knows how I did the maths and GK). I came out with flying colors to my surprise getting A (computer science) and B (design). But for some reason I decided enroll in Bsc. Visual communication in Bangalore. I did wanted my parents to have financial stability so I suggested to my dad about student loan. I finally got in with a test and some art work. And there my capabilities started to explore and that’s where my friend comes in to my rescue. But it was short while…..

to be continued....

To my mother

I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE OF HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY MOTHER BUT FINALLY I CLOSED MY EYES, WENT BACK TO DAYS OF THE PAST AND THIS CAME UP....

To my mother
Sun be soft on you
I slowly look away from the past,
To another path that lead out from it.
I still know your eyes that bleed good tears,
I never did understand till now,
Maybe I’m angry that you couldn’t reach me.
You got me almost all that was happy in my eyes,
The dresses, cakes, dolls, new shoes, butterfly hair clips and bags.
You made me to be a girl, who has everything,
Something that you wished you had long ago.
Amazes me when you look at me in the perfect little dress I wore,
It was more than materialistic happiness,
I saw your Happiness from your heart,
I still don’t know what you call it.
Whenever I see you behaving like this,
And because I know your story,
I try to fight back the tears that will ruin the whole effort you put on my face.
I turn away when you approach me at that moment,
But you thought I was mad at you for putting me through this.
The truth is I never wanted you to see me fail in your eyes,
Your expectations was something I must hold on to,
No matter how hard it is
You are something I can’t repay at any lost,
Something I can get it back with my soul.
Even though we are so different from each other,
I never had any intentions to make you regret,
A slap across my face doesn’t change the promise to you,
I might run away somewhere in the corner and sit.
No matter how hard the situation that we both can’t handle,
Even if I think of dying right now or giving up and fall down,
A part of you rushes in;
I remember your face,
It’s enough to tell me everything;
And I come back home.
All this time you never asked me if why I behave like this or think like that, keeping everything to myself
Not because I don’t care;
It’s because I feel vulnerable to your strong heart.
I hate being easily tamed by emotions,
That’s why I run.
You should know even the tiniest deed I did in front of you makes me feel so happy.
You’re the first person I can hug;
And you are the first person to see me cry.
All along I knew why I can be so stubborn and at the same time silly with the decisions I made,
because all along I have you with me.

my father

I have been thinking a lot lately. My daddy as a father figure is a funny character. Apart from that we have so many familiar characteristics. We both love food, a bit cold in nature, love music and opted to play/sing but when no one is around. We don't know what we just said and what we said is the total opposite of what we really want to say.I seriously don't know what to write about him and where to start. His life is like the dynamic range in photography. He has been through a lot in his life. He also enjoyed his youth. He never spoke about his life.It was mom who did the talking. He was what he is now.....nothing great but a better person. I found this photo while searching for my old dairies (he is the man with the guitar....but my dad plays the keyboard).