Something I try to ignore

Well my previous blog post is rather phishing @#$!
Heard like four days ago my elder brother is sick. I haven't contacted him for ages!
It's not like I don't care. I just couldn't bring myself to speak to him. Maybe I'm too stubborn. Mom is planning to come here to the capital and meet up before brother gets the surgery done. I get annoyed by the fact that life deals with mom into situation I wouldn't want to let her get into. She thinks that something is not right because life just seems to throw us lemons. LOL! I want to laugh! That is all I can do now~ Lemonade!
It hurts when I can do anything for them. But then hurts more when I pretend to.

i'm so scared!

My Father called me! That's like a big thing in my life. He seems to be worried about me. I can't find a job. And preparing for my masters seems so grim. I want to cry.
Lol! All I did was laugh as I'm sick of crying. I won't come out anymore.
Anyways I decided I'll finish my portfolio for my master and see where stand. It will break me or make it. God Help me!

Today I spend my time making shoe art and cramelldansen. I'm dying to upload it!
Till then hoping for better!

feeling alright :)

I feel Like I'm progressing but slowly!
Any how I must not give up. Just another day to live my life to fullest though I don't know what it means.

Getting by! A story cannot be told but can be seen in her eyes!

As lazy I can be

I struggling with fatigue and sleepiness. I realize I should work out as in do some yoga and other health related stuff to keep me fresh. I'm still yawning as I write this. Gaawd I have to finish so many stuffs! 

I'm down right lazy these days. Planning to buy an energy drink or coffee( though it doesn't effect me) to keep my heart beat fast, to keep me going with my work.

OH! LORD! I need You to throw a lightening ball of freshness to help me work to complete what I have left.

misconception of a girl who never liked attention

I got a call from a well known man in our community and we spoke about my life. I obviously tired to deviate the topic but then he stated bluntly so that he gets the point straight. But he got it all wrong. His intention was to bring back to my own people and stop their views about me and me about them. He thought that I was ignorant and wants to enjoy my life. If he ever read this blog he might have not utter a word that I have been living a live of bliss. This was all just that I live in a posh area of the state. Was it? with none of my kind around?

This all happen when I met my own people and had some few conversations. They asked me where i live and told them. All I saw was the look of *oh!* I never knew just of that name can make me feel filthy rich. I didn't feel anything great about it though. I was regretting the moment I utter it.

I have a bad experience with my own people when I was getting used to in the capital. It's just because of them I shifted to a place where I get my own space. They were psycho! I regretted even staying there but I thought since it was my brother's girlfriend, I stayed. It made me mentally disturbed. So I left for good. The rumors I heard was pathetic. Anyways my sister and my mother was there by my side when my brother was being a loser. So was most of the people who knew me.

I want to get back with my own people as much as I want to make some good friends in my life worth dying for. But right now I'm a mess trying to make good use of each day, barely doing anything productive. To start all over again will be an apocalyptic event for me.

I wish I could put them in their hands and show it but this is not art. And even if it is an art the interpretation will never match the true feeling unless they hear or see it for themselves in progress.

I might even speak with mom tomorrow about this. I have no where else to seek advice. I don't want to trouble her with some nonsense. But I can't shove any more things inside me anymore. I will die with regret.

All he said was enough for me to understand what he wanted me to understand but it's not only his view but the rest who have thought the same.

What do I do?

trying to list what I have done, remember and help me understand.

I don't look down on my own people.

I barely have deep connection since as a child. But I always liked them.

I did make good friends during my childhood summer and Christmas days.

I know my own mother tongue better than the common language.

I never act pricey. I might not be emotionally connected but I'm not arrogant at all.

I need my own space. In my community everyone is with everyone's whereabouts.

They are very strong but I'm not.

My way of things in life and thinking is so different. But I never felt wrong about them.

What do I do?

Where have I gone wrong?

I'm in a middle to start my new artsydoom land when I get this that is worrying me so bad.

What do i do?

I have new art blog Yay!

Brief story:

I have a new art blog now! Planning to make as much ArtsyDoom land a better place for me!

I thought of drawing a robot before drifting off two days back. The next day I've forgotten about it and went to a mall meant for only Elite class and bought a robot junk jewelry from *forever21* darn! I forgot to take a picture to upload it! When I got back home I drew it and day dream about Mr.Lover_Robot and decided to do a vector art. *___* And I've done it!

If any one on this planet or even from other solar systems stumble upon my blog (it's not surprising that no one does! O__O) you can come and drop by see it ^___^

http://astuteinbrilliantgreen.blogspot.com/

I will be making patterns and brushes for free very soon till then wish me goodness! \m/(^__^)\m/ Rock and roll! hehehe! this phrase doesn't suit me at all!

managing another blog for my art

I have decided to put my depressed junk in one and the *artsydoom* in another by creating another account. Well I'm trying to work my butt off! I have finally change my room mates. My mother called and told me I sound happy! And i am happy! I feel so much better from past three days. Now i feel so comfortable and finally can work anytime I want without any odd atmosphere. I think I came out of a really dark cave. My mind seems fresher and I breathe fresh air and again I'm so excited to read Paulo Coelho Aleph which i mention in my other blog. I will be more active there in terms of art and books. Here I will be writing my unfortunate or fortunate events. But I hope for good days a head. So I will be hardly writing any depressing things and make my life full with whatever I have and I wouldn't complain. But I'll be keep writing here, as this has been a place to express my feelings and let go of my psycho brain. I will be in touch but with colors in my hand no matter what situation I get into. So Let the Universe be by my side and help me be a better soul. Look out for me!

Slapped by the fact and uncomfortable with observing eyes

I needed to write this or I'll have BiTtERnESS grow inside me. I have been subjected to bad performance in life. I agree! I have become total freak who just won't like to do anything. I'm trying to figure it out and My mom is still encouraging me even though I told her I am not doing anything. I just wants to end this phase but I get pulled in. "tHe mENtAL bLOCk" Gaawd! I would Swear!

That is the root of the situation. And then comes those people WhO jUSt wON'T keeP ThEiR EyeS Or EarS Off mE. I never can work in front of them. I get the very baD vibES when they just keep passing me by. I decided to work when they are not around. They keep up with their QueStioNs in such a way to know what the situation I'm going through. ThEY jUSt wANt to kNOw as much as possible. I'm even having the GuTs to write this when they are with me. I even come across in a conversation about me when I'm not participating it. I'm getting pARaNoid. I'm in a situation that I struggling to cope up with my LiFe and this makes it seems to make me more inFeRior and pEssiMistiC.

I dON't cAre what they their life is all about or is not bothered to know. I'm happy if they are and sad if they are not. But they don't think like that. I'm tiRed of tHis. I can't even put across in words. I'm piSSed and uNcoMfoRtaBle. I don't want to be like them starting off with some RAndOM CrAp about them with my friends. I would lOvE to but nO. That is not how we settle it. I've learn something and I'm just going to FigHT mY oWn DemONs and wouldn't care if they are really so interested in life. I would laugh and say they are jobless and I know I'm jOBleSs bUt nOt liKe thEM!

I wONdeR whAt mAKes thEm "thEm"! ?