hey there!

Hey there!

I don't really know how you'll be in the future or if you ever going to live long enough to see good changes in your life or if you would ever stopped having bad strokes in every step you would take.
I really don't know what to say to you but I wish you are happy because I can't see you take the long harassment of life everyday. If you change, this would go away or at least you could stand right back up. You have bend enough to break your back, one day you might snap and never get back up again. So please tell me that you changed. I have stop caring what people compare life with you, So don't you  feel guilty and pathetic!
I have stop listening to those things because everyone has their own story. They have no right to say this to you "why do you feel nothing when the world is feeling worst that you?" You'll never be happy if you let that crap shoved down your throat..you'll always be a sick human being. If any one says that to you call for me and I will slap your pain a thousand times on their faces till they see how ugly you feel. Remember not only you but everyone cries the most not for others but for themselves.  Now you see? how we are all self centred and conceited? words twisted this way demands justification even though you don't mean to be this way but when some does say it in this manner, the finger is pointed at you. It didn't make you any better person for being unhappy. I don't have any answer to what you were feeling at that time because I never knew the question to ask you. I still don't have it and I am sorry, very sorry that I fail to help you. I am sorry that I left you all alone in the end to deal with yourself when you needed a warm hand. I am sorry!
So tell me you changed....for your own sake...don't end it short like you always decided to even though in the end you are the only thing you've got....Hey there!... live!

bucket list

It's been long that I haven't been blogging! And reading back my post is so depressing haha!
I am trying to be very happy. I am getting by and it looks brighter. though it's always up and down. Making best with what i have. I feel like running away sometimes. Life seems very awesome and terrible at the same time.
Funny fails from my bucket list..not in order:
Marijuana: My friend found an illegal site of weed growing outskirt. He dodged the watchful eye of the security guarding that place . Stole a bush-full and stored at the back of his car and I took some home. But the worst part.They were fresh plants and didn't know what the hell to do with it. It was rotting on my back balcony finally i threw it away (pigeons were nesting there). Just kept a leave on my charm box as a souvenir. I never would know what is like "feeling high".
LSD: Well my another dope friend decides to get me one blot but i couldn't find time to meet him. Later told me he was so bored at the hotel that he had my share of the blot that was for me. Hilarious! So another failed attempt to get my hands on drugs. I never actually met him...Great!

Other than that I am quitting my job and planning to do my own stuffs for a while. I have been vandalized by stingy people but hey! they are everywhere.
I spoke to my mother and she decides to let me go to do my own thing now. I am still on my own and planning to fend for myself like i always did.
Maybe she saw how miserable I was being pulled by strings or maybe not.

I still haven't made much friends.

Hmmm there is so much to do....might as well start with one and finish it well (not drugs from my list but rather radical thing that will make my life a like colorful).