misconception of a girl who never liked attention

I got a call from a well known man in our community and we spoke about my life. I obviously tired to deviate the topic but then he stated bluntly so that he gets the point straight. But he got it all wrong. His intention was to bring back to my own people and stop their views about me and me about them. He thought that I was ignorant and wants to enjoy my life. If he ever read this blog he might have not utter a word that I have been living a live of bliss. This was all just that I live in a posh area of the state. Was it? with none of my kind around?

This all happen when I met my own people and had some few conversations. They asked me where i live and told them. All I saw was the look of *oh!* I never knew just of that name can make me feel filthy rich. I didn't feel anything great about it though. I was regretting the moment I utter it.

I have a bad experience with my own people when I was getting used to in the capital. It's just because of them I shifted to a place where I get my own space. They were psycho! I regretted even staying there but I thought since it was my brother's girlfriend, I stayed. It made me mentally disturbed. So I left for good. The rumors I heard was pathetic. Anyways my sister and my mother was there by my side when my brother was being a loser. So was most of the people who knew me.

I want to get back with my own people as much as I want to make some good friends in my life worth dying for. But right now I'm a mess trying to make good use of each day, barely doing anything productive. To start all over again will be an apocalyptic event for me.

I wish I could put them in their hands and show it but this is not art. And even if it is an art the interpretation will never match the true feeling unless they hear or see it for themselves in progress.

I might even speak with mom tomorrow about this. I have no where else to seek advice. I don't want to trouble her with some nonsense. But I can't shove any more things inside me anymore. I will die with regret.

All he said was enough for me to understand what he wanted me to understand but it's not only his view but the rest who have thought the same.

What do I do?

trying to list what I have done, remember and help me understand.

I don't look down on my own people.

I barely have deep connection since as a child. But I always liked them.

I did make good friends during my childhood summer and Christmas days.

I know my own mother tongue better than the common language.

I never act pricey. I might not be emotionally connected but I'm not arrogant at all.

I need my own space. In my community everyone is with everyone's whereabouts.

They are very strong but I'm not.

My way of things in life and thinking is so different. But I never felt wrong about them.

What do I do?

Where have I gone wrong?

I'm in a middle to start my new artsydoom land when I get this that is worrying me so bad.

What do i do?