Sometimes I don't even realize what I say can affect a person in different ways. Sometimes I don't mean it the way it came out from my mouth or the way I write it.
Until I felt it myself.
So from that day onwards I made sure how it may sound.
I have never really swore or curse at someone unnecessarily.
Maybe it's my personality and lack of social-interaction (But I'm so much better now. "Thank GOD". ). I'm very self-centered because in my life it was only me and myself for quiet long. People take it as arrogance! Yes it is I guess! All the troubles and anxiety is all about me and nothing for others.
School sucks no matter how many good things I tried to recall ,so is my High school and then on.
But I realize those stage was a phase of opening up along with misunderstanding and weirdness. I was like a blank page. What ever was written on me, I acted that way. Until I met few patient friends who dragged me out and dealt with me. I'm not any addict of any sort or did really horrible things one would imagine. I was simply unresponsive. And then I realized I need to change. But I became very shy (I hated those days). I would just bury my face somewhere. Never could decide myself on anything and people thought I was delicate or something. Some thought I was a total bitch *laughs* in my way.
Funny and sad part is that it's a mixture of someone calling me Lesbian and weirdo. I'm not attracted to girls that way, I just can be more comfortable and more caring to them than other gender. I tend to try to make them happy thinking this could happen to anyone of us someday. Putting in their shoes in my thoughts was the result to people making them to mistake me as a lesbian. I was so worn out that I agreed at some point and that's when my closest friend came to rescue in those gossip moments.
Some people even thought it was cool (male classmates and senior) and one of them even asked me "how it feels like". Later my friend caught hold of him and brushed off all the crap. Good part is that we all became good friends and finally he knows I'm not a lesbian.
I do not know what the opposite sex thinks of me and I'm least bothered, unless they ruin any moment or chances, just in case I like someone. I'm a female and it's natural to like someone but the problem is I never really did. Even if I did like anyone nothing goes further than I can draw this person or make him act like this character an whatever bull crap I can think of. The most extend of the word liking went to a person, I looked up too for his kindness and taking me seriously. He was my only friend during the dark moments. He is not perfect but he was got me and felt shocked that he accepted me as a normal human girl.
Back to the point. I have the tendency to be blunt or ignorant in terms of understanding they way other wants you to understand.(I'm improving in these terms!!) I tend to make people confused with my not so loud voice/tone and I get jumbled with my words as soon as I try to make sense. I come out stupid and naive. And then when I get loud, they're surprise (hardly had happened) I'm too concerned of how people might feel and how to make them feel than about myself (when it comes to things not feelings).
It's scary sometimes to be me, like thinking too much and having different instances for one thing that makes you have different personality at different times.
Until I felt it myself.
So from that day onwards I made sure how it may sound.
I have never really swore or curse at someone unnecessarily.
Maybe it's my personality and lack of social-interaction (But I'm so much better now. "Thank GOD". ). I'm very self-centered because in my life it was only me and myself for quiet long. People take it as arrogance! Yes it is I guess! All the troubles and anxiety is all about me and nothing for others.
School sucks no matter how many good things I tried to recall ,so is my High school and then on.
But I realize those stage was a phase of opening up along with misunderstanding and weirdness. I was like a blank page. What ever was written on me, I acted that way. Until I met few patient friends who dragged me out and dealt with me. I'm not any addict of any sort or did really horrible things one would imagine. I was simply unresponsive. And then I realized I need to change. But I became very shy (I hated those days). I would just bury my face somewhere. Never could decide myself on anything and people thought I was delicate or something. Some thought I was a total bitch *laughs* in my way.
Funny and sad part is that it's a mixture of someone calling me Lesbian and weirdo. I'm not attracted to girls that way, I just can be more comfortable and more caring to them than other gender. I tend to try to make them happy thinking this could happen to anyone of us someday. Putting in their shoes in my thoughts was the result to people making them to mistake me as a lesbian. I was so worn out that I agreed at some point and that's when my closest friend came to rescue in those gossip moments.
Some people even thought it was cool (male classmates and senior) and one of them even asked me "how it feels like". Later my friend caught hold of him and brushed off all the crap. Good part is that we all became good friends and finally he knows I'm not a lesbian.
I do not know what the opposite sex thinks of me and I'm least bothered, unless they ruin any moment or chances, just in case I like someone. I'm a female and it's natural to like someone but the problem is I never really did. Even if I did like anyone nothing goes further than I can draw this person or make him act like this character an whatever bull crap I can think of. The most extend of the word liking went to a person, I looked up too for his kindness and taking me seriously. He was my only friend during the dark moments. He is not perfect but he was got me and felt shocked that he accepted me as a normal human girl.
Back to the point. I have the tendency to be blunt or ignorant in terms of understanding they way other wants you to understand.(I'm improving in these terms!!) I tend to make people confused with my not so loud voice/tone and I get jumbled with my words as soon as I try to make sense. I come out stupid and naive. And then when I get loud, they're surprise (hardly had happened) I'm too concerned of how people might feel and how to make them feel than about myself (when it comes to things not feelings).
It's scary sometimes to be me, like thinking too much and having different instances for one thing that makes you have different personality at different times.
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