germination

What would it be like when you live your life to your fullest each day? 

What is it that makes you so influenced and makes you go ahead?

I wish I have this in me every day.

I wish I was a little stronger to not shun my hope to pieces.

I want to live life like I can see the warmness of goodness already. A feeling or a picture, even a sound of goodness would be nice to make me go forward. I'm not even asking for an immediate result.

I want a direction because I'm so lost that I'm groping in the darkness.

I don't want this feeling of death in my soul.

I'm hurt to know that I'm in a condition where my soul is dying not my body. 

I have been hating everything now. I hate what I love to do the most. 

My mental state is somewhere I can't dream anymore.

I'm always in a room regretting everything. Wasting my time and repeating it over and over.

I want to end this. But don't know how?

i drew this "the germination process"

The seed grows in time when in proper care with various elements that helps it grow.

What has stopped me to grow? What element that went missing or what wrong element has got into my system of being? 

It really hurts! and i have no where to go!

I don't want sympathy. All I want is a direction to where I would meet goodness...