breaking down

I'm breaking down. I just can't go forward. I just don't know what is the reason I'm living here for. I so freaking out that I can't concentrate on anything. I hate what I once love to do. I don't know what i want to do. I'm so confuse as someone trap in a maze. I just don't see any sign of color in my life. I feel like it's a joke from the very start. Am i mentally challenged? My breathing hurts when i try to hold back my tears. I pushed myself to just go on but never succeeded in getting things done. I'm not just whining here, I'm really trying to work things out. I so pissed how i ended up like this. I always wanted a normal college life. It isn't normal here.The worst part is there is no one I could talk to and I don't want my parents to be so stressed up about my mental situation. I so hate it, the place, the atmosphere and myself. Every time I think about it i say I should die. But I won't do that. I just want to settle it but I don't know how. I can't do this on my own. I need a map. I have no one to talk to nor I willing to discuss about it, so i write. And my verbal skills are not good to put out what I want to say......so I write....

In a mental situation like this which had happened before I wrote down a story long ago "the city of misery" and the illustration is done by me. Just call her the girl with no name. . . .and she lives in the city of misery....